So it turns out that Valentine’s Day is one of those “holidays” where bloggers are obliged to weigh in. Here is me doing something of the sort. Hey, I’m learning! But anyway, It’s V-Day today! This post isn’t really specific to it — instead, I’m going to share some of my thoughts on love and relationships.
Love
“There is no such thing as love. It’s a fantasy.”
Summer Finn, (500) Days of Summer
Tom: “What happens when you fall in love?”
Summer: “You believe in that?”
Tom: “It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.”
(500) Days of Summer
I don’t really even know what love is, to be honest. I haven’t experienced it so far, anyway. I’m actually an emotional retard, though. The fact that I couldn’t work out why R was crying while people were saying goodbye at her farewell party (she’s going away for six years) last week, and actually had to ask, illustrates this. I can’t sympathise or empathise, I don’t show many emotions, nor do I express them. “Stoic” is potentially a great word to describe me.
I’m a bit of a love skeptic. If I’ve already met so many amazing people, why is it that I don’t love any of them? I’m assuming you’re supposed to know, rather than having to guess.
Family Relationships
It’s always stressed that family is the most important thing. I’ve never understood why. It seems that family only like each other because they are forced to. Well, I know for a fact that my own family wouldn’t like me were I not related to them (this is assuming they like me in the first place). I’ve never been one for “family activities”, nor for interacting with them (I wouldn’t admit this in Real Life, though. Yay for my Internet anonymity?). Time spent home alone is some of the best time.
Monogamous Relationships
At the age of 19, I’ve never had a girlfriend. I don’t think that’s too bad — there are more guys than just me who haven’t…I think? It’s never been my main concern, as it has been with other people I know. In fact, I’m still apathetic towards dating. I’ve had a few epic crushes over the years, as well as various small ones, but have never bothered to ask anyone out (hey, it’s going to result in a rejection, so it’s a good thing I’m apathetic, I suppose?).
People consistently assume my best friend and I are dating, which I think is the sort of relationship I’d actually be happy being in — the sort where you’re each other’s best friend, not having to see or message each other every day. I don’t get close to people, emotionally. I suspect that someone wanting me to become too “emotionally intimate” would make me want to back the fuck off.
Polyamorous Relationships
I don’t (think I) know anyone in a polyamorous relationship. I’m not sure whether many people support it, either. I use the term “polyamorous” lightly, by the way. What I actually mean is “open relationship” (polyamory implies love!). While I’m not interested in marriage or committing to one person at the moment, I’m still “traditional” enough to believe in committing to one actual partner, but I essentially support lifestyles/relationships where a couple is free to have sexual relationships with other people (as long as all parties agree, of course).
I totally agree with the whole family thing – we’re supposed to get along and have fun together and love each other because we’re related. Yeah… right…. Most often than not it’s family that’s driving you insane making you want to get out of the room more than ever.
And the 500 days of summer quote, EPIC.
Thank you for stopping by my blog!
I always appreciate other people’s thoughts about love and relationships. Everyone views them differently and it’s always interesting to see other people’s takes on them. I can completely understand how you feel about families. I am very close with my family but I know that I am very fortunate. Also, there are always times that they drive me crazy and it wasn’t until I moved out that we truly got along. I have a lot of friends who aren’t, too. I never understood this crazy, intense assumption that everyone in a family has to love each other and always put each other first for everything. Sometimes it just doesn’t work that way. You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family.
I also don’t think it’s strange that you never have been in a relationship. I was 18 before I had my first relationship and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that either although some people often sound surprised. Oh well. They just don’t realize there are plenty of people who just aren’t in the dating scene for various reasons.
I probably don’t broadcast my emotions to other people very often — I laugh in others’ presence but I usually wouldn’t cry or get angry or even jump around in jubilation. I do have a huge amount of empathy for people though, even if I don’t always act on it. My unit 3 Geography teacher, for instance, was extremely arrogant and I couldn’t stand his teaching, but when he announced he’d lost his job, I felt awful for him because he was clearly upset. (So upset that he’d been a dick to us for most of that class. It didn’t stop me sympathising, although I didn’t say anything to him because he KNEW I hated his teaching style and I didn’t want to APPEAR dishonest, even when I wouldn’t have been.)
And I’ve never been in a relationship either, although I’m only 17. I’m not really bothered by that, even though it was definitely uncommon for my year level. I figure it’s more important to be in a good relationship than to try to get into one as fast as one can. When it happens, it’ll happen, to borrow a cliché!
(500) Days of Summer is definitely on my to-watch list. I *think* I’ve experienced (romantic-ish) love before, and it wasn’t that great, so I’m not in a huge hurry to go through that again.
Family – I love them, but I don’t always like them!
I LOVE (500) Days of Summer. It might possibly be my favorite movie ever
I’m a huge believer in love but I think the portrayal of love in society and media has become more and more unrealistic, which skewers personal experience with love.
I love my family. I was brought up to believe that family is the #1 unit in my life and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. No one understands me like family and no one will support me like the way my family does
I’m really lucky in that respect as I know not everyone agrees with those statements!
I’m an emotional retard too. Or maybe I just don’t act on my emotions, and instead like to think things over before I do them. Emotions complicate things!
People have assumed a close friend and I were dating, and then my best friend and I were dating (we weren’t at that time, and not for many months afterward). I’m with you — best friends get you, they know (and am obviously) comfortable with the fact that you don’t need to see or be with them all the damn time, but know that you still care.
I found this post ridiculously interesting. You don’t really share a lot of your really personal thoughts often on LiveJournal, so it was really quite good reading!
Personally, I think you’re pretty lucky to have not bee in a relationship. They’re essentially meaningless, and it’s the most awful thing to learn. Relationships are a big waste of time. True friendships are of far more worth if you can find them, because it’s relationships that ruin strong friendships like the one you share with your best friend. And nothing – especially not ‘love’ – is worth screwing that up.
Ahh, love. I’m so in love, so I can’t really imagine how it feels to not be in love. Your post about feelings immediately reminded me of Dexter from ShowTime, though (on a side note). I can say, however, that once you get over that little speed-bump of no love, you will be so excited for the feelings.
I agree with you on family, though. The majority of my nuclear family are people that I would not associate myself with if I was not forced too. Does it make me a bad person, maybe. But I think they all just need to grow up a little.
My boyfriend and I were best friends before we started dating, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. We’re perfectly comfortable with spending some time away from each other, and we never went through a mushy can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other stage. I think our relationship is healthier because of that. There wasn’t much novelty to being together. It just seemed natural. And now I still consider him my best friend first and boyfriend second.
My family has always been very tight-knit and close. Of course, they have their moments when they get on my nerves and we’ve had our disagreements, but at the end of the day I’d do anything for them. I fully realize how lucky I am in that respect.
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